


evil r us

by pg13



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Group Chat, Canon Compliant, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, except for the canon gay ships, nothing worse than in the movies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-12-02 02:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11499510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pg13/pseuds/pg13
Summary: Malrenamed the chatFuck you Jay





	1. Chapter 1

**Mal** created a group chat

 **Mal** added **princesa evie** , **jay** , and **carhos** to the group chat

 **Mal**  named the chat **Rotten four**

 **Mal** : Since someone™ insisted on stealing us phones

 **** **Mal** : I guess we can scheme in this GC

 **** **princesa evie** : m ilu but if you use capitalization one more time im blocking

 **jay** : i'm 2nding blcking u also yall are wlecome for the phones

 **carhos** : wlecome

 **** **jay** : do u wanna go punk

 **** **Mal** : You are the worst minions ISTG

 **** **princesa evie** : mal what did i say abt capitalization.

 **Mal** : I don't know how to turn the auto capitalization off

 **Mal** : How did u guys figure it out

 **carhos:** mal i'mma blow ur mind real quick

 **Mal** : Alright

 **carhos** : http://google.com

 **jay** : fmaskldfjadsfklads

 **Mal** : Ok u know what

 **Mal**  renamed the chat **Fuck you Carlos**

 **jay** : GSSDFGFJFS

 **carhos** : do u take criticism on your gc names

 **Mal** : No.

 **princesa evie** : youd do it for me tho right

 **Mal** : No comment

 **jay** : thatz a yes lil maleficent jr is Whipped

 **princesa evie** : for the last time jay we're not dating and i'm not gay!!!

 **carhos** : bcvbcvxxcvb

 **princesa evie** : .

 **princesa evie** : mal can u back me up here

 **carhos** : wait u werent kidding,

 **jay** : our little evie is in denial

 **jay** : but she trnd ME dwn so

 **Mal**  renamed the chat **Fuck you Jay**

 **jay** : wht did i do 2 dsrve this

 **carhos** : mal's a protective gf

 **jay** : byfrnd mal!

 **princesa evie** : mal is NOT my girlfriend

 **princesa evie** : or my boyfriend??? what's wrong w you jay we r both girls

 **Mal** : Hey

 **Mal** : Hey guys

 **jay** : ye

 **carhos** : waddup

 **Mal** : I figured out how 2 turn off auto cap but I'm not gonna

 **Mal** : Also

 **Mal:** What if

 **Mal** : We got back to SCHEMING

 **princesa evie** : well it's kinda confusing when the gc name is f*ck you jay m

 **carhos** : why are u such a pussy eves

 **jay** : dnt call her a pussy los smh

 **princesa evie** : im not a p*ssy!!! i have Manners swearing's not ladylike

 **jay** : no wonder mal does it so often

 **carhos** : rt

 **Mal:** Oh my god

 **Mal** renamed the chat **Scheming chat**

 **jay** : no offnse mallory

 **Mal:** That's not what Mal is short for and u know that

 **jay** : don't intrrpt ppl when they're speaking,

 **jay** : anyway no offnse mallory but u suck at naming gc's lemme do it

 **Mal:** No Evie can do it

 **Mal** made **princesa evie** a chat admin

 **carhos** : gay

 **princesa evie** : guys what should i name the chat

 **** **Mal** : Don't give them power!

 **princesa evie** : babe idk what to name it

 **jay** : U JST CALLED HER BABE

 **jay** : GAY

 **jay** : also call it evil r us

 **princesa evie** : PLENTY OF STRAIGHT GIRLS CALL EACH OTHER BABE

 **** **Mal** : Wtf I'm not straight E

 **princesa evie** : What.

 ** **Mal**** : ****I'm gay

 **princesa evie** : i'm the only one who's straight???

 **carhos** : no

 **princesa evie** : but i thought u were gay los???

 **carhos** : i am. so are u

 **jay** : i dnt like dudes so

 **** ** **Mal**** : You don't?

 **jay** : do ppl think i like dudes,

 **princesa evie** : i'm changing the chat name now anyway.

 **princesa evie** renamed the chat **evil r us**

 ** ** **Mal****** :Is everyone satisfied?? Cna we scheme™ now??

 **jay** : i kinda wnt a burger

 **Mal** :No.

 **jay** : thts fair

 **carhos** : so....

 **carhos** : ig we should figure out where the wand is first right?

 **Mal:** Finally someone says something useful

 **Mal:** Thank u Carlos

 **carhos** : yw!!!

 **princesa evie** : i could??? ask my mirror maybe???

 **Mal** : You're an angel E

 **Mal** : Boy's room in ten everybody better have pants on

 **jay** : pants are optional!!

 **princesa evie** : no. no they are not

 **princesa evie** : pants are always mandatory jay

 **carhos** : idk he kinda pulls the no pants look off

 **jay** : bro.

 **jay** : bro thanks

 **carhos** : anytime dude

 **princesa evie** : and i'm the gay one????

 **jay** : mst defnitely yes


	2. Chapter 2

11:52 PM

 **jay** : for th record

 **Mal** : I will hurt you

 **jay** : For Th Record

 **jay** : tht was not my fault

 **princesa evie** : then whose fault was it jay???

 **princesa evie** : m was yelling for u not to but u went to grab the wand anyway and set off like

 **princesa evie** : a bajillion alarms

 **carhos** : that i turned off.

 **Mal** : After Jay set them off.

 **Mal** : And ignored me telling him Not to

 **princesa evie** : i'm w mal on this jay u messed up

 **jay** : thts gay But have u considered:

 **jay** : it wasnt my fault bc mal didnt come up w a good enough plan even after making this gc for us to plan in

 **jay** : nice one jay

 **carhos** : he's not totally wrong

 **carhos** : like he shouldnt have tried 2 grab the wand but

 **jay** : SEE

 **jay** : CARLOS AGREES W ME ND HES A GENIUS

 **Mal** : Irrelevant

 **princesa evie** : not 2 change the topic but

 **princesa evie** : m when were u gonna tell me you're gay

 **princesa evie** : i've changed in front of u,

 **jay** : thts kinky

 **princesa evie** : NOT LIKE THA T JAYSON

 **carhos** : fkdjfkladsjskdfjads

 **carhos** : she called u jayson i'm-

 **Mal** : I thought you knew???

 **Mal** : I dated Uma??? Remember????

 **princesa evie** : you dated uma.

 **princesa evie** : i mean not that i care bc i don't that's totally your business why wld i even care who you date lol

 **princesa evie** : but you dated

 **jay** : i need popcorn for this

 **princesa evie** : uma.

 **Mal** : Yeah??? For like a year???

 **princesa evie** : was this during or after my exile

 **carhos** : eves u sound like a jealous gf jsyk

 **princesa evie** : i'm not shut up uma is just

 **princesa evie** : uma.

 **princesa evie** : and she hates mal

 **Mal** : That would be bc she's my ex girlfriend

 **Mal** : And we got together while you were exiled but broke up a little after

 **jay** : I Wonder Why

 **carhos** : [thinking emoji x4]

 **Mal** : Choke.

 **Mal** : Anyway dw about changing in front of me E you're not my type

 **princesa evie** : i'm not???????

 **carhos** : she's not?

 **jay** : i thght u liked mgoc (mean girls of color) w blue hair

 **jay** : you dated uma!

 **Mal** : Evie's not mean

 **Mal** : And Uma's not even that mean she's just passionate ok

 **jay** : so is evie!

 **carhos** : rt

 **carhos** : #teammevie

 **jay** : TEAM EVAL

 **jay** : oh

 **carhos** : urs is better tbh

 **jay** : nah urs is

 **Mal** : Do u two need a room

 **jay** : FIHGT ME MALLORY

 **Mal** : Sure Jay

 **jay** : oh shit rlly?

 **carhos** : no fighting

 **carhos** : u'll hurt him mal

 **carhos** : or push him into a closet of bear traps

 **jay** : nah she only does tht to cute girls

 **jay** : #mevie

 **princesa evie** : ok first off

 **jay** : oh ur not in shock anymore?

 **princesa evie** : i'm "not mal's type"

 **princesa evie** : whcih is bull bc i'm EVERYONE'S type

 **jay** : except carlos

 **princesa evie** : secondly it's malvie

 **princesa evie** : that's a lot cuter than either of your. valid tries.

 **Mal** : Don't let them pretend they're valid

 **princesa evie** : they are.

 **Mal** : How.

 **carhos** : is this a lover's quarrel

 **jay** : are we intrudng

 **Mal** : We're not fighting!

 **princesa evie** : .

 **princesa evie** : More Importantly

 **princesa evie** : we're not lovers

 **princesa evie** : bc i'm n OT MAL'S TYPE

 **jay** : this is so gay

 **Mal** : I thought u would be happy to hear you're not my type

 **princesa evie** : IT'S HURTFUL M

 **Mal** : YOU SAID YOU WERE STRAIGHT

 **princesa evie** : I AM IT'S STILL HURTFUL

 **carhos** has left the chat

 **jay** : look wht u did

 **jay** : you scared carlos

 **jay** : he went into the bathroom he better not be crying

 **princesa evie** : MIJO

 **Mal** : I didn't do anything

 **princesa evie** : i'm gonna message him 2 see if he wants to be added back [sad emoji]

 **jay** : u better

 **jay** : and no more fighting when he gets back! jst accept that youre gay for mal evie!

 **princesa evie** : i'm Not but we won't fight

 **Mal** : I wasn't ffighting

 **Mal** : Tell Carlos I'm. Concerned though

 **carhos** has joined the chat

 **jay** : youre ok dude!!!! thnk gd

 **Mal** : Sorry for using all caps like that

 **Mal** : Pal?

 **carhos** : pls don't call me pal ever again

 **Mal** : I regretted it as soon as I said it

 **princesa evie** : guys we should all go to bed

 **carhos** : yea

 **jay** : night dweebs

 **Mal** : Gn

 **carhos** : lu guys

 **princesa evie** : [sparkling heart emoji x10] gn!!! iluuuuuu

 **Mal** : Evil dreams princess

 **jay** : gay.


	3. Chapter 3

1:11 pm

 **carhos:** i just almos t died

 **jay:** i jst almost killed carlos

 **jay:** jinx mf!

 **princesa evie:** ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿??????

 **jay:** whyd u send the qstn marks like tht

 **carhos:** are we gonna talk abt jay almost killing me

 **jay:**  possibly

 **princesa evie:** bc spanish

 **Mal:** No

 **Mal:** We're supposed to be in class

 **carhos:** who are u and what did u do w/ mal

 **Mal:** I was just working that Jane chick

 **Mal:** And now I'm pretending to study

 **Mal:** And Evie is in chem so she needs to concetrate

 **princesa evie:**  awwww

 **princesa evie:**  also!!!!

 **princesa evie:**  there's a hot guy in my class

 **princesa:**  doug sa YS HES A PRINCE

 **jay:**  i see u eves

 **jay:**  trynna hide the gay

 **princesa evie:**  anyway im straight and gonna like study now

1:49 pm

 **princesa evie:** my chemistry teacher is a racist he made me do schoolwork

 **carhos:** ????? he's a teacher???? that's his job?????

 **princesa evie:** AND???

 **princesa evie:**  btw atoms are Not as light as i thought

 **jay:** what

 **jay:** it's an atom

 **jay:** how much cld it possibly weigh tf

 **princesa evie** **:** that's what i said!

 **princesa evie:** oh shoot gtg iluuuu xo

 **jay:**  ly2

 **carhos:**  ilu too!

 **Mal:** Love you too E

2:56 pm

 **carhos:**  i have to go die now

 **carhos:**  ben is making me run bc he's a homophobe

 **Mal:**  Ben is gay, just look at him

 **jay:**  and hes dating audrey why????

 **Mal:**  Bearding Idk

 **Mal:**  I'm not sure if Audrey is gay or not though

 **jay:**  well she rejected me so

3:30 pm

 **carhos:** guys dogs are nice???????? i'm having a crisis

 **Mal** **:** How did running bring this revelation upon you

 **carhos:** i thought a dog was chasing me but ben explained it wasnt and now its my pet and its name is dude

 **jay:** a dog named dude

 **carhos:** yea

 **jay:** huh

3:45 pm

 **Mal:** Guys who's Mulan

 **Mal:** I just magicked her daughter a haircut apparently

 **princesa evie:** a bad haircut that she did not deserve

 **carhos:**  i think she's a war hero

 **carhos:** that hun dude shan-yu hates her so ig she defeated him

 **princesa evie:** why are we texting we're in the same room

 **carhos:** so jay feels included????

 **princesa evie** **:** aww

 **princesa evie:** you guys are so cute

 **Mal:**  Jay are u close ur boyfriend misses you

 **jay:** i am COMING

 **jay:** and also heterosexual

 **Mal:** Uhuh

 **princesa evie:** i'll back ur heterosexuality up if u back mine up jayson

 **jay:** oh no you're gayer than los is

 **princesa evie:** i'm abt to be dating cinderella's son

 **jay:** mal collect ur woman

 **princesa evie** removed  **jay** from the chat

 **carhos** added  **jay** to the chat

 11:26 pm

 **Mal:** Kitchen in 5, it's love potion time

 **Mal:** Carlos don't bring Dude

 **carhos:** .

 **Mal:** Please,


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for discussion of child abuse but this is descendants so

2:15 am

 **carhos:** are we gonna talk abt what happened w/ lonnie

 **jay:** id_rather_not.jpg

 **Mal:** Big mood

 **carhos:** guys.

 **carhos:** there are people whose parents bake them cookies

 **princesa evie:** it's not that big of a deal mijo

 **princesa evie:**  it's not like we even have cookie dough on the isle

 **princesa evie:**  ofc our parnets love us

 **carhos:**  no they dont!!!

 **carhos:**  we're going through all this for them but they wouldnt even go through half of this for us!!!

 **Mal:** You don't know that.

 **Mal:**  Theyre our parents

 **Mal:**  Of course they love us

 **Mal:**  It's just in their own way cuz they're rotten to the core just like us

 **Mal:**  What matters is that we made the love potion and we're that much closer to getting the wand

 **carhos:**  you say that but i KNOW you guys love me bc you treat me like you do, even you mal

 **carhos:**  when was the last time any of our parents said they loved us?

 **princesa evie:**  let's just go to bed okay.

 **jay:** evil dreams.

 **princesa evie:**  evil dreams

 **carhos:**  yeah whatever

8:03 AM

 **Mal:**  I'm sorry.

 **carhos:**  i am too

 **jay:**  can we not tlk abt it anymore

 **Mal:**  Yeah

 **carhos:**  course jay

1:42 PM

 **princesa evie:**  chemistry is so much more fun when you cheat

 **carhos:**  no it's not,

 **princesa evie:**  then explain why i like it now!!!

 **jay:**  bc ur finally doing good at it boom

 **carhos:**  thanks dude

 **jay:**  anytime pal

 **Mal:**  Are you teo gonna get a room

 **princesa evie:**  m babe they literally share a room

 **princesa evie:**  we're going to boarding school

 **Mal:**  Notlike that,

 **jay:**  BABE???

 **jay:**  when's the wedding

 **Mal:**  After you and Carlos'

 **carhos:**  why not a double wedding

 **princesa evie:**  im not gay!!!!

 **jay:**  bc im straight!!!

 **carhos:**  cinematic parallels

 **princesa evie:**  anyway.

 **princesa evie:**  im not helping any of u cheat on your hw nwo

 **jay:**  perish

5:31 PM

 **jay:** are we gonna talk abt

 **jay:** the fact that

 **jay:** he sang fjkadslfjdsalds

 **Mal:** No bc I'll kill you in real life if you bring it up again

 **carhos:** are we gonna talk abt the fact that we're oppressing twunks by spelling him at all

 **princesa evie:**  hijo are u just mad mal stole your man

 **jay:** white_man_blinking.gif

 **carhos:** ben is not my man!!!

 **carhos:** i just care abt gay rights

 **jay:** evie pls explain to me why u wld call ben los' man.

 **princesa evie:**  please explain 2 me why u would care if youre straight jayson

 **Mal:**  Bc he's not straight

 **jay:** listn

 **jay:** as carlos' hbff (heterosexal best friend 4ever)

 **jay:** i dsrve to knw why he told u abt ben being his man but not me.

 **carhos:**  he's not my man!!!

 **princesa evie:**  then explain the moment u told me you guys had in the woods hm

 **jay:** in the woods?????????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿

 **Mal:**  Did you blow him

 **jay:**  frst of all ben is a bottom.

 **carhos:**  NO

 **Mal:**  FJKLSADFJASDLKF???

 **carhos:**  N O

 **carhos:**  NOTHING HAPPENED

 **carhos:**  EVIE IS BEING MEAN

 **princesa evie:**  ben called him a good boy

 **Mal:**  Kinky

 **jay:** shut up thts your byfrnd now

 **carhos:** he didnt mean to!!!

 **carhos:**  it was a freudian slip!!!!

 **jay:** no idea wht tht means but i dnt like it

 **princesa evie:**  it was gay thats what it was

 **princesa evie:**  jaylos might not be real but benlos sure is

 **jay:** No

 **Mal:**  Oh shit u used capitalization

 **jay:** los can we tlk

 **jay:** in private

 **jay:** mevie choke also

 **princesa evie:**  have fun being gay!!

 **jay:** U HVE FUN BEING GAY

 **princesa evie:**  cant im too busy having fun dating a prince

 **Mal:**  Chad is ugly and you can do better.

 **princesa evie:**  [unsent] not if youre dating the king i cant

 **princesa evie:**  leave my man alone

 **Mal:**  N

 **Mal:**  No


End file.
